Tuesday, November 8, 2011

A moment of candor...or is it just frustration?

I'm not one to shy away from putting my life on the internet. Facebook has been my saving grace through many a crisis in the last 2-3 years as it gives me a place to vent when things get rough. I've lost contact with some people because they think I'm too open about things, but that's how I am so deal with it or un-friend me!

Anyway just last week the old man got laid off from his job. In 2008, he retired from the Air Force after 26 years and went into a major depression which brought out his inner demons as far as addiction is concerned. He started drinking and wasn't motivated to do anything within months of retiring and not finding a job. I found him the job that he was just laid off from and hoped that would bring him out of his funk, but unfortunately it didn't. He ended up drinking excessively and actually ended up hospitalized for a BAC of 0.43 where he was at the point of basically being non-responsive. Rehab followed and things seem to be okay other than a relapse early in 2010.

Anyway, with the layoff he's not had any gumption to do anything. I mean, I might be slow getting around to things, but I do eventually get things done. All he does when we don't go to the gym or run is sit and watch TV and/or read. Granted it's only been a week, but he's talked about going back to school to use his GI Bill and looking for a job...neither of which he's really followed up on. Last week while I was running around with my head cut off trying to get ready for the 5K fundraiser he never asked if I needed any help. Today I had to ask him to take the trash out even though the took the bag out of the trash and set it next to the kitchen trash can. I need to light a fire under his ass even if it's just to get him to apply for unemployment or start back to work on the living room (which is still sitting in demo mode after 2½ years...I blame depression on both our parts and alcoholism on his part).

Ugh. I'm stable so far, but this is one of the worst times of year for my moods...hoping that this phase for him is just temporary because I don't need any additional stress right now. Really, I should get my meds back on board...

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