Sunday, March 24, 2013

Mood Confusion

I'm not sure what's going on mood-wise for me right now. Typically with my bipolar disorder, I'd be heading into a pretty dark place this time of year, but I'm feeling pretty good right now. Maybe a little too good. It's odd for me to have a hypomanic phase without a preceding depressive phase, but I'm noticing less sleep (typically 3 hours or less for most nights of the last 2+ weeks), a little more of the obsessive thinking happening and just a bit more energy than usual. Oh, and my typical lack of medication regimen adherence that's pretty common when I do start feeling a bit hypomanic.

Right now because I am feeling this way I"m going to start up my meds again tomorrow (someone please hold me to it) slowly tapering up the meds that I know I can't just jump back on at full dose. Hopefully I'll have my blood levels back where they need to be within 2 weeks. I'm telling you...a little too much knowledge can be dangerous (in reference to my psych nursing background). I'm also going to start myself on a 2 week course of Xanax at bedtime to try to get back into a regular sleep cycle. This sleeping for 2-3 hours, then napping 2-3 hours during the day isn't cutting it. I really need to get back on a day/night sleeping schedule.

I just hope that I'm not setting myself up for a self-fulfilling prophecy in that because I'm "missing" my depressive state that I trigger in some way that depression to come on sooner than later. Oh geez, did that make sense? It's late, I'm tired and I just took 1.5mg of Xanax to go to sleep to. Ugh.  Anyway, this is just not what I expected to be happening around this time...typically late Feb to mid-March I'll at least have a mild depression, but none so far. Again...I hope I'm not jinxing myself.

I dunno. Just a bit confused. Gonna give the meds about 20 minutes to kick in then it's bedtime and hopefully I won't wake up until close to 11am or noon. So, wish me luck in getting back into the medication and "normal" (whatever you feel is normal...I don't know what that is anymore) or at the least a "stable" frame of mind. G'nite!

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