Showing posts with label cancer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cancer. Show all posts

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Reflecting back on 2012... (Part 1)

I'm sitting here looking back on a year that started out with so much optimism only to come crashing down mid-year with a severe depression and subsequent effects on what had been a promising year of running and health. So, let's take a month by month look at this bumpy year that I hope to leave in the rear view mirror in hopes of a much improved 2013.

January 2012
After a slightly rough start with being injured and in physical therapy since Oct 2011 and having to limit my newly found love of running things began looking up when I was released from PT and restarted training for my very first half marathon, the inaugural TinkerBell HM at Disneyland. I met my fundraising goal for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Team in Training and would be heading back out west to see if I could meet the challenge. I did and I made some good running friends while at it. Probably the most close relationship I've developed from this race are my friends Melanie & Dianne. It was Melanie's and my first half marathon ever. We were previous non-lovers of running and both RNs in the psych/mental health nursing world. We started the race as virtual strangers other than meeting once and communicating via Facebook but finished together as friends. We shared many similarities in our lives and I've come to think of her as a very good friend. I can't wait to see her again at TinkerBell in 2013 (we're rooming together). :D

Love ya, Melanie!! :D
Dianne had already been running for a while and while we didn't communicate much face to face at the race other than at our Facebook group meetup where she brought some Ghiradelli chocolates for everyone and a brief chat after the race we have been very communicative online. I think the connection has to do with the fact that we're both California girls and Asian...we understand things that others sometimes don't! LOL! I'll be seeing Dianne again at Tink 2013 and then we're rooming together at the Princess Half Marathon at Walt Disney World in February where she will attain Legacy runner status (running every year of the first 5 years of the race). I don't have any pics of Dianne aside from our group's meetup pic below. :(

TinkerBell HM Facebook Group - Inaugural Meetup
That's Dianne sitting down near the middle in the white long sleeve shirt.


February 2012
Nothing major really happened in February that I can recall other than running my second half marathon for which I only had to travel an hour and a half. I ran this one with a newly formed running group here in town, the Clovis Area Run/Walk Club, which was started on 1/3/12. Of course I was the slowest one to complete the half marathon in the group but I made a very good local friend, Teresa, who had been running for about 4 years after beating cancer. We communicate regularly on Facebook now, see each other occassionally in town and I introduced her to the Bountiful Baskets food co-op program here in town because I know whe is a very healthy eater (something I am still working on). I consider her my local running partner in crime...I don't think she knows that yet. We got together and participated in a couple more races in 2012 (Wayland Wellness Run Half Marathon and the New Mexico Centennial-TX/NM Team Challenge (she did the full and still finished before I finished the half!). We'll be participating in the Bataan Memorial Death March and hopefully The Color Run 5K together (but apart...she's way faster than me) in 2013.

Big ((hugs))  to you Teresa!

March 2012
The biggest thing that happened in March was finishing my third half marathon with what is still my personal record to date (PR) of 2:37:xx. This enabled me to join the Half Fanatics as member #1982...the same year as my high school graduation (not by accident). This led to the start of a quest to finish 30 half marathons in 30 different states in 365 days. I was well on my way but by May things would be different and I won't be reaching my goal. But for a previous non-runner to join a group of exceptional people who run for different reasons and at varying speeds is something I never in my life would have thought would have happened. 




April 2012
This was the month that I started noticing the depression coming on. It's not like it was unexpected because I typically do go into a depressive state during the spring, but it was just my hope that I could skip a year without one...it was just not to be. I kept racing finishing the OKC Memorial Half Marathon and meeting running legend Bill Rodgers. The month was not extremely bad, but the downhill slide was gaining momentum.

Me with Bill Rodgers, Olympian, marathoner, author.

Probably the most meaningful medal so far.

May 2012
This was the month that the sh!t hit the fan. I've always been pretty good at hiding just how bad I was feeling when depressed but I had always managed to maintain a relatively active online presence. Not this time. I basically went offline for the first time since the late 90's. I disappeared from all my social networks, I rarely left the house other than to run and I spent many a day not getting dressed, showered or eating. Not a happy time. I did manage to finish 4 half marathons and registered for an all women's trail running clinic.

I traveled all the way to Illinois and Wisconsin to race. I met up with another good running friend and TNT alum, Kat, who is originally from Wisconsin and the chance to see her again and knock out another state was my momentum to run in the Wisconsin Half Marathon. Not only did I meet up with her again, but I also met Dave Mari...running celeb extraodaire who gets to so many races and takes so many pictures that it's totally crazy. You can always identify him because he always has the Paul Frank monkey on his shirt! I also spent a couple of nights with my cousin, Maria, who lives in Illinois and I hadn't seen since they moved to Japan after being stationed in New Mexico (where we met for the first time, while stationed at the same base). I have no idea of how we managed not to get any pictures while I was there!?!

Kat with the Captain!
Dave and I.
Unfortunately, this trip also resulted in the ending of the relationship with my daughter who also suffers from bipolar disorder. We have cut off communication with each other under mutual agreement. The last bridge has been burned and I'm done.

Probably the big personal thing that happened was that I reached my fundraising goal for Relay for Life and shaved my head...again! I had done it in 2006 where it was a big deal because my nursing students who helped me with fundraising got to shave my hair off. This year it was much more low key because I was sick (mentally and physically) and I didn't have hoards of people actually wanting to shave my head. It because a non-big deal as I showed up at the team's camp and they proceeded to shave everything off.


June 2012
By June I was pretty much deep into this depressive episode with the high points only being concerned with running. This was also the month that my thinking got too stupid and had some really bad repercussions. I was at my lowest at this point, skipping my 30 year high school class reunion which I had been looking forward to for over a year. Friends who I had not seen since high school were going to be there and instead I spent the week in bed with such a low self-worth that I couldn't be scraped off the floor with a sharp edged, metal scraper. At the beginning of the month before a major emotional crash I managed to complete the Wounded Warrior Half Marathon in Irving, TX with my cousin Ausa who I had not seen for years during which she completed her very first 10K. I also attended the trail running clinic with Teresa at which I discovered something I already knew...I was not born to be a trail runner!


My cousin Ausa after finishing her very first 10K race.

To be continued...




Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Recap: Prairie Fire Half Marathon




Race Day: Sunday, October 14, 2012 @ 8:00am

Race Day - 1

In the weeks prior to this race I had been combating a massive depression that I did my best to hide from friends and family...not always with success. It wasn't until yesterday, October 12th, that I finally decided that I would participate in Prairie Fire. This involved last minute packing and planning which I really hate as I typically pack several days in advance even up to a week in advance. To top it off, I planned to car camp for the night prior to the race in order to save a few bucks ($7 on base vs $100+ at the starting line...I reservation I now regret having cancelled). Anyway, I managed to get everything that I thought I needed while still packing minimally after waking up at 3am and doing my packing then.

By around 6am I was on the road to Wichita, Kansas which would be about a 9 hour drive including the loss of 1 hour due to the change to Central Time. The drive itself was fairly uneventful and I made pretty good time arriving at the expo at just before 3pm CT. After stopping to pick up my race packet, I got in the car and set my GPS for Offutt AFB where I had planned to camp out for the night. Lo and behold! Offutt AFB is located in Nebraska and was the base I had planned to stay at when I had planned to originally do a Saturday half marathon at Valisporo just outside Omaha. Okay. So I began to freak out. I was on a very limited budget...just over $100 for the trip (gas on the gas card). I knew there was no way I could pay for a room near the start so I decided to go ahead and drive to McConnell AFB to see if they had rooms available. Unfortunately, the Air Force lodging prices had just gone up from $39/night to $53/night at the beginning of the month. Figuring that at least I'd know it would be a decent room I was lucky enough to find the base after incorrect directions from the GPS and getting lost for about 10 minutes.

After finding the back gate to the base I finally made my way to the Air Capital Inn and was able to get a temporary lodging facility (basically a 1 bedroom apartment) for $54 for the night. As I got back into the car after registering it began to rain and by the time I made my way to the building that I was assigned (just behind the building with the office) it was throwing down. I don't mean just a little hard rain, but torrents of rain. Monsoonal rain. Wet to the bones rain. As I drove slowly through the parking lot I searched for where my room was...I saw the room number preceding my room and decided that would be the place to park. Wrong. When I got out to start carrying my stuff to the room I was unpleasantly surprised to find that my room was not where I thought it should be, but rather on the other end (not side) of the building. In order to find it, I had to walk in an open corridor getting pelted by the rain. I walked up the north corridor and didn't find the room. I walked down the south corridor and found the room at the very end of the building...the total opposite of where I had parked. I threw whatever I had in my arms and took a deep breath before tackling the rain that was coming in almost horizontally and rather painfully. I ran back to the car and moved it to a space just outside my room and began grabbing what stuff I needed for the night. As I finished up, I turned on the TVs only to find a severe thunderstorm watch in effect with the potential for 2" hail. Joy. Not only was I soaking to the bone, but my car may get smashed up here in tornado country. I took a few minutes to try to wring out my shirt during which time I realized that the pasta dinner would be starting in just literally over an hour. Here I was with a dinner ticket and soaking clothes and hair. Luckily the rain had let up and I decided that I'd take a chance and go to the base exchange to see if I could get a cheap outfit for the night.

About 40 minutes later I got back to the room having found a shirt, skinny jeans on clearance and an umbrella for less than $25. I quickly dried my hair (the rain had stopped by now) and stuck the blow dryer in my shoes, alternating every few minutes, to dry them out a bit. Thank goodness I don't wear makeup! I got dressed and headed out to the dinner with just enough time for the ~15 minute drive to the venue. I arrived just in time to sit down towards the rear before dinner was served and introduced myself to the table. There was another Beth who was also a relatively new runner with this being only her 2nd half marathon, another nurse who had just finished a contract at a hospital in Santa Fe and was heading home to Florida (if I remember correctly) after running the full marathon and finally a young man with his family who was running his first full marathon and would be heading east to visit his family right after the race. The food was pretty good although there was absolutely no protein offered...kind of odd, usually there's at least a little protein at these things. Dane Rauchenberg, ultra runner and author, was the guest speaker and was really rather interesting and entertaining. We all left at around the same time, before the event actually closed down...actually I think I was the last one at the table.

I made my way back to the base...with correct GPS instructions this time and got my gear ready for the race the next day. I was just glad that with the rough afternoon that the race had a start time of 8am rather than 7am that had been the norm through out my earlier races. I was glad that I opted for a room instead of trying to find the Famcamp since the t-storm warning was still in place with the continued chance of hail...at least I would be warm and dry, not having to run to the bathhouse to use the restroom or shower in the rain, etc. And mostly I'd be able to sleep in comfort and spread out as much as I wanted. I had forgotten my meds (realized that at about 5 hours into the drive) so I had to settle for Benadryl for sleep, Tylenol and some Endurance Caps (electrolyte capsules) instead. After I taped up my knees for support, I headed to bed and was finally asleep by around 11pm.

Race Day

Woke up at 5:30am. Went straight into the shower, ate my typical breakfast, taped up my feet and got dressed. I left the base at about 7:10am which was plenty of time to park and get to the starting area...or so I thought. The drive into downtown was fine until I started hitting all the closed streets. Ugh! I finally got to a lot that I thought was relatively close to the starting area only to find out that it was no where near. So, I headed back to the car and drove around again and again parked in an area that I thought was close to the start. It was now about 7:40am. As I followed some obvious spectators I became a bit worried when I saw a mile 1 marker. I asked the volunteers there if the start was straight ahead but they weren't sure. I broke into a jog (mind you I typically do a 12 to 13 minute mile) and passed one of the course bands. I asked another set of volunteers if I was headed in the right direction and they said I was...I guess I should have gotten a little more specific. I was now in a slow run...rather than a jog. I was beginning to panic. I began thinking how I drove 9 hours, suffered through the storm and now was going to miss the start of the race because I had parked a mile and a quarter away from the starting area. I finally began to recognize the area and headed in the direction that I thought that the starting line was at. I was near tears by this point. After hitting several dead ends, I finally saw the venue. I broke into a full run as I heard the announcer declare that the race would be starting in a couple of minutes. I literally had just enough time to tear off the tab on my bib and toss it and my gear bag to one of the girls at gear check before heading to the start where I heard the words..."We'll be starting in 1 minute!" Whew! I fired up my MotoACTV's GPS, tried to catch my breath and tried to calm the surge of anxiety that had suddenly welled up with the relief of finding the start. It wasn't good though that I was already panting before the race had even started. "GO!!"

And the run was on...I began walking with the occasional jog still trying to recover from my unofficial pre-race mile. I eventually felt like I was in a groove and began  an alternating run-walk. Bad idea. The first part of the race wasn't too bad. mostly flat going through part of the Riverside area, Old Town, along the Douglas Design District into College Hills and back (for the most part...the last part of the run was on the other side of the river). I had stopped a regular run-walk system at about mile 9 opting to just run as far as I could...typically only 100 feet or so then walking as long as I needed to. Since I was passing my car on the way back I decided to go off course and dump my race belt in the car. I just grabbed one of my 10oz bottles of G2, my camera and my phone (I thought) and got back on course. By the last 2 miles or so I was exhausted and had started to cramp up in my right foot. By that point it became a mostly, if not all, walking event. I'd look out for the course photogs and try to pretend that I was running as I went by them with not a lot of success. I tried to run across the 2nd bridge but it was a no go and I finished the race walking...slowly. I was way over my goal of 3 hours and my foot was cramping badly. After stopping for a massage (where I realized that I must have forgotten my phone in the car), some oranges, a whole bunch of chocolate milk and a Gatorade I made my very first trip to a medical tent to get an ice bag. I sat around listening to the band while waiting to get an ART (active release therapy) chiro to do a demo on me in hopes of loosening up my legs and back before the drive home. I waited for over an hour...everyone else was packing up to go and this chiro was just there chit chatting with the person before me. I had to get on the road so I just said forget it and headed out on the 1.25 mile walk back to the car.

When I got back to the car, I noticed that my phone wasn't anywhere in the car. I spent a half hour searching everywhere in and around the car even following part of the course (after traffic had already started back up) to see if it was smashed on the street somewhere. Crap! That was my lifelink home. Luckily I had my tablet with me and texted the old man that I had lost the phone (again). I decided that it was permanently lost so I decided to go to the nearest Y and take a shower before hitting the road. I checked my texts (no voice capability on the tablet) and the old man had gotten a call from a man whose wife had found it. I used the Y's phone to call him and we began a several hour long telephone tag to get my phone back. Since it was already past 4pm I decided that I'd have to stay another night and drove back to the base to try to get a room. Luckily they had plenty of rooms available and I ended up in a first floor room in the main building. After getting some near San Francisco quality Chinese food in town, I was finally able to get back in touch with the guy and get directions to meet his wife for the return of my phone. That happened at a little after 8pm so I was really happy to have found a room already.

By the time I got the phone back, my right foot was hurting terribly and I could barely put weight on it. In fact, I was basically just walking on the instep because I was fairly sure that I had managed to get a stress fracture of my 5th metatarsal (the outside foot bone). I was going to go to a civilian urgent care/ER when I remembered that there was a VA medical center (read ER) in town so that's where I headed (I didn't need any extra medical bills). After nearly 4 hours I was out on crutches with a post op walking shoe. Joy. I was to be non-weight bearing for 7-10 days...lovely. I got back to the base, figured out a way to carry 2 cans of soda while walking with 2 crutches. At 48 years old, this was the first time I had been on crutches let me tell you...I was no good at using crutches. I finally fell asleep sometime after 2am...

Race Day + 1

I woke up just after 6am. I decided to just take my time and head out by 9am or so. I lounged around a bit, played on the laptop and finally started getting ready. Let me tell you, I was just glad that there was a shower stall instead of a tub in the bathroom. Being non-weight bearing on one foot really made for an interesting shower.

I finally headed out a little before 9am. The only eventful things happening on the way home was getting lost within the first 5 miles and having to backtrack and my first stop at a McDonald's on I-35 service area for lunch (my first lunch at McD's in a couple of years).

I arrived home around 7:30pm MT to a choir of 7 canines barking and howling for mama/gramma. After a weekend like that I was really surprised that I never really fell apart emotionally. I had come close on race day, but I managed to get through it without melting down. Maybe I was actually on the mend...

Official Time:  3:11:27 (Personal Worst by about 5 minutes)

What did I like about this race?
Nice, mostly flat course, nice weather this year (for the race itself), goes through some nice areas.

What did I not like about this race?
Finish area was a bit disorganized...ran out of food for the late half marathon finishers (only had half a tray of oranges when I arrived and I was essentially chased off of the marathon finishers table). The food was almost out at the runner's food tent in the runner's village as well.

Would I do this race again?
Yes, but I'd train correctly (had only run a max of 5.5 miles and only about 15 runs total most of which were only 3 miles or less) and be much better prepared. It was my fault as far as getting an injury all due to poor preparation.

Dane Rauchenberg, ultra runner and author.

I represented Team Red, White & Blue for this race.
Celebrating Breast Cancer Awareness Month on the course.
I believe this was in the College Hills area.
Going down Douglas Ave, the return trip.
Keeper of the Plains Plaza & Sculpture in the Riverside area.
Coming over the pedestrian bridge at Keeper of the Plains Plaza.
Finally...finished!
2012 Half Marathon Finishers medal.
Close up the HM Finishers medal.



Friday, June 8, 2012

Why do I fundraise?

Those of you that know me know that I've done different fundraisers for different organizations. I'd just like use this post to share why I raise funds for them and introduce a new organization that I'm fundraising for.


American Cancer Society Relay for Life
I first began participating in Relay for Life in 1996 when the VA clinic that I was working at decided to put a team together. We were all fairly new at fundraising and didn't do such a spectacular job that first year but as we continued to participate we got better. When I left the clinic I began participating with the medical group team on base where I was then working. Military precision and great people with fundraising  know how made the experience great. After I left that position after 4 years I was out of the scene for a couple of years during which I had to have a breast biopsy for a mass that turned out to be benign. That experience amped up my participation in the Relay again. A few years passed and my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer which is now in remission. The same year a dear friend was diagnosed with colon cancer. That year I became a team captain and led a group of my nursing students and friends raising $1,600 and shaving my head for the cause. In late 2011 I found out another friend was diagnosed with lung cancer and my other friend had been diagnosed with metastasis to the lungs. So it was for them that I raised over $2,000 this year and again shaved my head bald. It is for these people, my former patients and total strangers that I will continue to participate in Relay for Life as often as possible to help fund the research and advocacy to finally find a cure for all types of cancers.

The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society
This year was the first year I've worked with the LLS. I have to admit that it was kind of a selfish reason that I started working with them...I wanted to run my first half marathon but I needed coaching. I was hesitant at first due to the sizeable fundraising requirement but once I got going (and thanks to a significant donation from an old friend) I was able to raise more than my required $2,900...I raised more than $3,400!! I didn't personally know anyone affected by leukemia, lymphoma or myelodysplastic syndrome other than former patients of mine, but in the course of my training I have become friends with several survivors who were running with LLS or whom I simply met online in other running groups. My goal is to do a fundraising race with LLS at least every other year so I'm going to have to choose a race in 2013 to accomplish that goal. As chemotherapy drugs become harder to obtain and more expensive the LLS has been a leading institution in advocacy for better access to meds, has provided research that has found medications not only significant to their own specific organization but to cancers in general and providing financial support to those in need affected by leukemia, lymphoma and myelodysplastic disorder.


Team Red, White & Blue
This is my newest fundraising cause. In fact, I just joined today! Being a veteran with a disability I feel that I need to give back to other veterans and their families. In my runs I try to do races that benefit veterans in one way or another. Now, not all races do that but with this organization I can choose my races that have no such component and still raise funds for our wounded vets and their families. The goal of Team RWB is to help smooth the reintegration of the wounded warrior and the family back into the general community with one-on-one support/relationships, community level activities and advocacy programs. I'll begin getting the word out about Team RWB by wearing a running shirt/tank emblazoned with their eagle logo at races (no, I'm not giving up my Half Fanatic shirts...all my different teams/club shirts will just get rotated), fundraising and whatever I can think of to help the cause. So, check out their website by clicking on the title for this paragraph and please consider donating by clicking here. I'll be completing the Bataan Memorial Death March in March 2013 to benefit Team RWB. If you're a vet or simply a concerned citizen/athlete please consider joining the team!

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Until there's a cure...there is no finish line!


A few days ago, when I had my TNT purple hair dyed back to a more normal dark auburn, I found out that again cancer had struck someone I knew. I hadn't seen this particular person, a nurse I used to work with when I first arrived in town, much over the years after I left the hospital. I'd bump into her occasionally at a doctor's office, in the mall or at WalMart. The last time I saw her was probably about, if not over, a year ago. She seemed well and we chatted briefly before going on our separate ways. When I went to get my hair colored I found out that she had been diagnosed with cancer back in October and was not expected to make it through the day. I have not heard anything yet but it really wasn't looking good as of early last week.

So, I'm going to take this post to ask you to please join me in the fight against cancer. Please support one of the following organizations that I have been fundraising for with a donation. Simply click on their logo to go to my fundraising page. Thank you!
Accepting donations until the end of February 2012

$5 minimum online donation, mail in form available


100 Days Challenge:

  • Day 43
    • 33 minutes strengthening PT exercises

What I Ate Today:

  • French bread Pepperoni pizza on a Bolillo roll
  • 60 oz G2
  • ½ cup Mongolian beef
  • 1½ cups white rice

Saturday, January 28, 2012

The night before the Tinkerbell Half

Sandra & I...after 30 years!
Well, I'm just writing a quick post before going to bed super early for the half marathon tomorrow morning. It's been a great day starting off with meeting up with one of my besties from high school, Sandra, and having lunch at Brennan's at Downtown Disney. Then the Tinkerbell Half Marathon Facebook group meetup at Compass Book in Downtown Disney...it's great to be able to put faces to names after all the online communication we've been doing! It was a great bunch of people who I now consider friends and whom I hope to run into (nearly literally) while continuing on my running journey. Lastly the Team in Training Inspiration Dinner was fantastic! Amazing stories, amazing people...really good food too!

Tinkerbell Half Marathon Facebook Group Meetup
I've loaded up my Fuel Belt with 3 packets of thinned Gu Chocolate Outrage gel, grape G2, water and some Clif Shot Bloks just in case. My ensemble is all set up so I shouldn't forget anything although I have to fill out the back of my bib with my safety information. Our chapter is meeting in the lobby at 3:45am...race starts at 5:45 am. I made sure that the husband (who was a good sport and took probably 15 cameras and shot pics for our group meetup and held the meetup sign) is all set up with the top of the line ChEAR Squad package (breakfast, prime seating, luxury portapotties and lounge at the starting/finishing lines) so he should be good for the day while I run.

After the run the plan is an ice bath, maybe the pool, food and Disneyland for as long as I can remain standing. Then a quick sleep and back to New Mexico early Monday. It's a great weekend so far! Good night and wish me luck tomorrow!

100 Days Challenge:

  • 30 minute round trip walk from hotel to Downtown Disney + walking around Downtown Disney an addition 1+ hour
What I Ate Today:
  • Yoplait Peach Yogurt
  • Corn Pops pre-measured bowl
  • 1 pint non fat milk
  • 72 oz water
  • 40 oz G2
  • Shrimp Cobb Po' Boy
  • ~½ cup coleslaw
  • ~2 cups Oriental Salad
  • ½ cup marinated mushrooms
  • ~2 cups p
  • ¼ cup meat sauce
  • 1 Roll with ½ pat of butter
  • ~3oz grilled chicken breast
  • ~1 cup steamed vegetables
  • Lemon bar with raspberry sauce
Wow! That was a lot of food!!;)





Monday, November 21, 2011

Cancer...I hate it!

I got some terrible news from a friend this past week. This particular friend has been fighting cancer for the past nearly 3 years with periods of remission and recurrence. Right now, thankfully, a more peaceful time of year is coming up for her as she has to go through another round of chemo. While this break is short it will hopefully allow her time to get through the worst part of her treatment. It's a feeling of helplessness when someone you know and care about is going through such a terrible time. Please don't be surprised if you see me fundraising again after I finish with my commitment to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society/Team in Training. I have decided that I will be switching gears and going back to my roots with the American Cancer Society to lead a team for the Curry County Relay for Life in May 2012 in honor of my friend. I'm just giving fair warning...after May I'll definitely take a break from fundraising until probably a full marathon in 2013 again with Team in Training. Please keep my friend in your prayers/thoughts as well as any other patients and families that are having to deal with this disease in all it's forms. Thanks!