Back in the classroom, again!

Today was one of the high spots for me each semester at the local community college where I used to teach. Since one of my dearest friends took over the psych content I used to teach to the fourth semester nursing students, I go over at the beginning of each semester when they begin talking about mood disorders. The goal is not to necessarily "teach" the book learning to them, but rather to give them the viewpoint of a patient with a mental illness. I do a little book learning such as the basic differences in the ranges of bipolar disorder and general symptomology but I spend most of my time sharing my perspective as a mental health patient...who just happened to be a nurse (I let my license lapse, after nearly 22 years as a nurse, at the end of January as I have now been deemed unemployable due to my 100% service connected disability by the VA).

One of the first things I always start with is to find out how many of them are "wary" or outright "scared" of going into a locked down, inpatient facility. There are always at least a few hands that go up and I try to do my best to reassure them that they will survive. In four years and 16, week long clinical rotations with my students I only had one freak out a little and that was resolved by the 2nd hour after I pulled her off of that particular floor for the morning. No, I didn't whip her into submission...I simply let her get acclimated to the setting a little longer!

We, or rather I, talk about my history, suicide attempts, medications, triggers, symtomology, etc. to give them a viewpoint to look at that they may never had thought of before. I try to encourage them to see each individual as just that, an individual...who happens to have a diagnosis of a mental illness. I try to remind them that the patient is not the disease...that the patient has a disease. I tell them how hard it is sometimes to not say "I am bipolar" instead of what really is true..."I have bipolar disorder." We talk about any and all things that they want to bring up...not just what I or my friend, the instructor, have in mind. My overall goal is to help alleviate fears of their clinical rotations and to help them understand that mental illness is just another disease process except that it's brain and chemical based versus just being able to look at lab, xray and other procedural reports to help make a determination. 

I had some good questions posed to me today..."Can a patient see different providers and be told he/she does not have bipolar or a diagnoses that they had been given earlier?" The answer is unresoundingly YES! With mental health there's really no cut and dry line saying this is what you have. A lot of it has to do with the clinical experience of the provider...have they seen this disorder, how much experience have they had treating the disorder, do they have the full story? Yes, diagnosis can differ from provider to provide, but it is also the responsibility of the person with the illness (or their caretaker) to learn about the diagnosis and bring up questions and concerns, if possible, to clarify the diagnosis. Another was "Was it a relief to finally be diagnosed with bipolar disorder?" For me YES!! I knew something more than major depressive disorder what wrong with me, but I didn't know what. When I was finally diagnosed and started studying the disease I could automatically see just how closely I fit the criteria for bipolar disorder type 2. To finally know what was wrong with me was a definite relief. Another question was about how the diagnosis affected the family. Well, when your kids find you, when they are the at the ripe old age of 8 or 9, after ingested multiple pills in an overdose attempt (several times), there's going to be some affect. My son harbors resentment, my daughter tends to avoid the subject, the husband tries to watch for my symptomology while at times denying his own (recovering alcoholic). So yes, it takes a huge toll and like I said in a previous post if I knew back then what I know now I probably wouldn't have had kids.

I did a little bit of a social experiment with my purple hair too, which is going back to a dark auburn or what ever color it turns out to be if I can't strip the purple out of it this evening. I just showed up and started talking never really bringing up the subject of my hair. Finally after the Q&A session and no more questions were posed, I asked them..."So who has been sitting there wondering if I was manic when I dyed my hair purple?" I had told them over and over again during my visit that I was completely open to ANY questions during my visit. I saw a few people kind of get that look of "OMG...how did she know?"  and finally I'd say about half a dozen hands went up. I told them that it wasn't a mania but fundraising that led to my purple hair and hopefully a bald head on May 11th. I wonder if I'm a little imposing or unfriendly that they were afraid to ask? Naw...probably more like they just didn't know how to ask. Well, hopefully they learned something out of this guest speaking gig. The last class I did it with seemed to have a good time. Some of them even remembered me as I was shopping in the local WalMart months after the presentation. I guess time will tell...

100 Days Challenge: 

• Day 37
• 2.43 mile walk with the grand pup in 45:46 around the neighborhood

What I Ate Today: (Still being updated)

• 12 oz low fat chocolate milk
• 5 pcs Albertson's fried chicken - 2 thighs, 2 wings, 1 drumstick
• 10 oz non-fat, lactose free milk
• 4 chocolate chip cookies

Is the term "anonymous" politically correct in terms of addiction?

Here's a CNN article I shared on Facebook about battling and beating addiction: "Risen from the gutter, he whispers hope to Hollywood's junkies". There's a specific quote in the article that stood out to me...

He believes the "anonymous" part of Alcoholics Anonymous is outdated, especially in Hollywood. Rather than protecting an addict's identity, he says, it now implies a stigma.

I found this to be a very interesting statement. I am a huge proponent of fighting the stigma of mental illness and that is exactly what addiction is. Mental illness is now known to be a chronic brain condition typically associated with a chemical imbalance...

The point was embraced recently by the American Society of Addiction Medicine, which updated its definition of "addiction." It is now considered a chronic brain disorder, not simply a behavioral problem.

I mean, really, after ingesting all the toxic alcohol and drugs how could one's brain chemistry not be affected?  Anyway, I digress.

Like I said, I never considered that the terminology of "anonymous" in any of the addiction groups whether it be AA (Alcoholics Anonymous), NA (Narcotics Anonymous), OEA (Over Eaters Anonymous), etc. would contribute to a stigma, but now the more I think about it I can see how it does. It makes me wonder if these organizations have ever considered this? In this modern age of political correctness should we be using such terms that can be construed as negative still? I wonder how the attendees of such groups might think of this? I guess I'll have to ask one...Maybe it wouldn't be such a big deal for those who have been sober for years but it may be a big deal to stay anonymous for those who are just starting out. What would be other term options that might be used in the place of "anonymous?" I don't have any suggestions myself, but the article just made me start to think that maybe it's time for a change? After all AA has been around since 1935...maybe it is time for an update? We're in a different time and place nearly 80 years later. What do you think?

Mental Illness & "Two and a Half Men"

You know, I do enjoy watching Two and a Half Men but today's episode focused on Jon Cryer's character, Alan, having a bad dream while in the "stress clinic" or "looney bin" after being admitted to a mental health hospital after the death of Charlie Sheen's character. The use of the term "looney bin" grated at my nerves a bit. I am under no false pretense that the stigma associated with being an inpatient on a mental ward is not still prevalent in people's mind but I find such terminology distasteful. It's not only degrading to those, like myself, who have been a patient on psych wards but it's fueling the stigma associated with mental illness.

To further this negative view of mental illness, the failed suicide attempt by Alan I thought was a bit over the top. There must have been a different option than pushing the character to the point of attempting suicide, don't you think? I mean, really, times are rough for a lot of folk who are dealing with a lot of different issues and I just see this story line as being a bit morbid even though the attempt eventually failed. In the past 15 years that I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder I have attempted suicide multiple times. Thankfully it's been several years since I have attempted although I always have a plan deep in my head that I can pull up and utilize. I don't keep it (or the other 3 or so plans) in mind for posterity, it's just that I've attempted that plan(s) in the past and they are ingrained in my mind's eye. So why "glamorize" suicide on a sitcom?

Maybe I'm just being a bit oversensitive or overzealous in my assessment of the episode, but people need to be reminded that mental illness is just like any other disease. The only difference is that it is based in the brain and involves chemical imbalances rather than elsewhere in the body. Come on you makers of sitcoms, television shows in general and movies...try to approach mental illness with a little tact! Rather than minimize the effects of mental illness try to approach the subject with at least a little information that would provide even a sliver of education regarding the fact that people with mental illness are just that...PEOPLE.  We are just like the "normal" people out there (really, is there such a thing as being "normal" any more?) and we have emotions/feelings just like everyone else, sometimes we just don't have the capability of coping with stressors or may not have found the right combination of meds if we're on them. Don't propagate the stigma!!

A moment of candor...or is it just frustration?

I'm not one to shy away from putting my life on the internet. Facebook has been my saving grace through many a crisis in the last 2-3 years as it gives me a place to vent when things get rough. I've lost contact with some people because they think I'm too open about things, but that's how I am so deal with it or un-friend me!

Anyway just last week the old man got laid off from his job. In 2008, he retired from the Air Force after 26 years and went into a major depression which brought out his inner demons as far as addiction is concerned. He started drinking and wasn't motivated to do anything within months of retiring and not finding a job. I found him the job that he was just laid off from and hoped that would bring him out of his funk, but unfortunately it didn't. He ended up drinking excessively and actually ended up hospitalized for a BAC of 0.43 where he was at the point of basically being non-responsive. Rehab followed and things seem to be okay other than a relapse early in 2010.

Anyway, with the layoff he's not had any gumption to do anything. I mean, I might be slow getting around to things, but I do eventually get things done. All he does when we don't go to the gym or run is sit and watch TV and/or read. Granted it's only been a week, but he's talked about going back to school to use his GI Bill and looking for a job...neither of which he's really followed up on. Last week while I was running around with my head cut off trying to get ready for the 5K fundraiser he never asked if I needed any help. Today I had to ask him to take the trash out even though the took the bag out of the trash and set it next to the kitchen trash can. I need to light a fire under his ass even if it's just to get him to apply for unemployment or start back to work on the living room (which is still sitting in demo mode after 2½ years...I blame depression on both our parts and alcoholism on his part).

Ugh. I'm stable so far, but this is one of the worst times of year for my moods...hoping that this phase for him is just temporary because I don't need any additional stress right now. Really, I should get my meds back on board...