When the Depression Arrives

Well, it happened today...within minutes I was happy/content and then the depression arrived. I became irritable, went into a rage towards the husband (he deserved it) and have spent the afternoon after taking a nap crying. Not a full out boo hoo crying, but a steady stream of tears for no apparent reason. I warned my friends on Facebook and Twitter to expect me to possibly drop off the social networks at some point. I went off line last year for 6 months before slowly coming back on board.

The depression hits and my already low self-esteem plummets and I feel useless and like a waste of a human being. This is my life with bipolar disorder. When I was first diagnosed I could go years without a severe depression...sure, there were minor ones which were easily controlled, but as I get older the symptoms worsen, the depressions more severe and I have to enjoy the hypomanias when they do come.

I'm going to try to increase my activty level more, get more sunlight, I'll be starting back on my anti-depessant tonight (was off due to hypomania which can be triggered or worsened by anti-depressants) and will be following up with my psychiatrist and therapist on Thursday. It's bad when even my "feel good" movie...a movie I've watched over 200 times...Pitch Perfect doesn't even cheer me up. I usually still laugh at that movie even after seeing it so many times.

So, if I don't blog much or if you don't see me in Facebook or Twitter, I may just be lurking or I may not be logging on at all. But just in case, I want to wish you all well...especially those new friends who have discussed their own bipolar struggles with me

Tired of being broken!

Well, I went into PT today after my disappointing run yesterday where both sides of my hips began hurting due to ITBS. I don't know why, but yesterday when I got back home after the old man picked me up I forgot to check me pelvic alignment. Well, I asked my PT, Kay, to check my alignment today after I had gone through the normal PT torture routine (not really, I actually enjoy the workout) and she found that my right side had rotated forward and my left side had rotated posteriorly. That's kind of an odd finding for me. Usually the right side is pretty much in place and the left side usually rotates forward. So we did some pushing and pulling on both hips to get me re-aligned and I skipped the diathermy (heat application) session so that I could go straight home to put on my SI belt which I forgot to bring with me to PT. I've determined that the only thing really different that I did yesterday was to run on an uneven dirt alley way...right after which I began noticing the hip pain. So the plan is to use the SI belt daily, run only on paved surfaces (usually softer surfaces like a trail is better, but apparently not for me) and continue with the stretches and exercises. Luckily, for women, somewhere around the age of 50-55 the pelvic bone solidifies and fuses so that hopefully by then I will no longer have any problems with the misalignment. Heck, that's anywhere from 3-8 years...only. LOL! I hope I can get this issue under control way before then!

BTW, I got on the Bosu ball again today and did much better! Enough that I was able to do the first balancing and side to side rolling exercise (facing forward) without the safety rails. But when it came to the sideways position (feet lined up one in back of the other) I had to use the rails. Oh well, baby steps!

The great Bosu ball adventure

Well, yesterday's PT session involved not only the routine exercises and stretches that I've done in the past but also some time on a Bosu ball which is basically half of a full size stability ball on a hard plastic base. If you're not familiar with a Bosu ball this is what it looks like... --->>

Now, imagine that I'm putting you through the following exercises on this piece of equipment. Flip the darned thing over so that it's rocking on the dome (it does squish down...a little). Stand on the flat plastic base with both feet at either side, right along the edge. Now maintain your balance without falling off focusing on keeping the pelvis centered and strong. Just to let you know, you are set up on a platform with two handrails that you can grab in case you start to fall off which, for me, usually happens during the first 20-30 seconds of this exercise. Balance has to be maintained and then add squats to that (still on the Bosu)...20 of them please. Next, if you've survived that, roll side to side to the point that the plastic base touches the platform 20 times in each directions...again concentrate on balance through the pelvis. No, you're not done yet. Turn sideways with one foot behind the other on either side of the base, keep them as straight in alignment and facing forward as possible. Now, balance...good...20 squats...good...roll forwards and backwards 20 times each way. Excellent. Now, either reverse your feet or simply turn around on the Bosu. Repeat the last activities...balance, squats, rolls.

Yeah, so definitely not easy. This piece of equipment made me sweat so much that I was literally dripping sweat off my face! Now, in most exercises with a Bosu ball the base is flat on the floor although I have done push-ups with the Bosu in this position. I had no idea that it could be used in this manner. Still, trying to do this was actually fun and I found that the secret to it is to find a point on the wall or the floor to focus on as that will help to maintain balance. It takes so much concentration that I really can't talk to anyone while I'm doing these exercises. As hard as it is, I'm looking at getting my own Bosu ball and trying to figure out how to set up some safety rails. I'll do almost anything to keep my strength in my hip flexors and other running muscles to keep from getting injured so badly again.

More PT in my future

Well, I went for my PT re-evaluation today. I'm in for another 4 weeks, 3x/week starting on Wednesday. There is some improvement in the hip strength compared to the right side but there's still some fairly significant weakness present. I'm supposed to try to take things a bit easy and not push too much so I'll just let my body tell me when to walk or run. I did manage a 5K run/walk today but it took a lot to finish and I'm pretty sure that I walked more than ran. My PT did say that it's okay for me to continue to run but not to overdo it. My task will be to try to keep from doing more than I should. I'm still planning on a 8-9 mile run this weekend and possibly a 10 miler the following weekend but that'll really all depend on how my toe is acting...I managed to end up with "turf toe" or a sprain of the great toe on my left foot while out running on Saturday...still not sure how I managed that. The completion/re-evaluation day for this next round of PT will be exactly 10 day before the Tinkerbell Half Marathon so hopefully I'll get the go ahead to try to run/walk at full effort for the event. I'm especially hopeful because I want to do another half marathon at the end of February. So onward I go with slow, methodical training to get where I need to go...

On another note I've failed in my daily blog postings as of yesterday...just couldn't think of anything worth blogging about. Not that what I do blog about is noteworthy anyway! lol! Oh well, such is life...I'll just keep on going whenever I think of something to blog about...

New "Fashion": SI Belt

Today I went to my regularly scheduled PT appointment. I've been having some pain in my right knee with the ITBS kicking in in that location for some unknown reason. So anyway, my PT found that my left hip was out of alignment...again. So I was evidently compensating with my right leg thereby causing the ITBS in my right knee to start acting up. We worked on getting my left hip/pelvis re-aligned which took several attempts but we managed to get it back to a near normal position. After doing some of my regular stretches and exercises the PT told me about possibly using a sacroiliac (SI) belt. He let me try one that they had in the clinic and although it's a bit awkward because it has to be worn on the hips I did feel that it made a difference. I need to get one and figure out how I'm going to adapt it to carry my hydration bottle and snacks so that I'm not wearing two different belts while I run the half marathon in January.

Hopefully I'll have one of these belts in my hands by next week. I'll report then how it helps, but I'll have to wear it most of the day as well as when I run. I do have to be sure to check that my pelvis is fairly well aligned before I put it on as it won't do any good if I'm out of alignment. So, hopefully, if I'm released from PT next Monday this belt will help me stay where I need to be in order to run/bike. Below is a video that outlines how this belt is to be worn...doesn't look like much fun, but if it helps I'll do it!

I did go for a 4½ mile run/walk today and so far no pain so maybe, hopefully, my pelvis will stay in place for my appointment tomorrow because I really need to bump up my training and start increasing mileage so that I can hit at least 11 miles before Tinkerbell. I know I can do 7 miles but I really need to run 13 miles at least once so that I know that I can do it. Wish me luck!

My life on the internet

I've got a long history of being "social" on the internet. It started way back when in about 1984 when we got our Apple IIc and logged onto bulletin boards, listservs, etc. via the old DOS formats...the days before the true visual experience of the internet was born for the public. When we finally got a dedicated dial up line and the visual appeal of the World Wide Web improved with GIF images rather than text based images I started to really get into the whole social thing. While initially most of my use was really for research for school I would eventually become a member of different networks like the early iVillage, AOL, IRC and other such sites which eventually led me into blogging.

I think I started to initially blog in the very early 2000's (possibly in the very late 90's). It's been since then that the story of my life in all it's gory aspects have been online. My diagnosis of a breast lump and subsequent biopsy in 2003, my battles and successes with bipolar disorder, dealing with raising the family while the old man was deployed overseas...all aspects of my life were and have been online. I had a blog dedicated to Once a Month Cooking (OAMC) that I wish I kept somewhere because now I can't find the recipes I had. I connected with total strangers through continued networking on iVillage and other such sites. Then in the mid-2000's I joined MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, Plurk, Friendster, Linked In and other such social sites.

At some point I became bored with most of these and pretty much left or ignored the other sites remaining only with Facebook. I'm not sure why I stayed there, but it's probably because I was able to reconnect with more people from my past than on any of the other sites. With the blogging thing starting again this past month I'm finding myself enjoying the writing thing again and maybe I'll even start a page with recipes...we'll see what happens.

Back to running...sort of

Goodies from the race.
Including sweatpants!

I finally ran today for the first time in 7 or 8 weeks! I participated in the Reindeer Run 10K with the husband and after asking my PT if I could try to run a little and getting the okay I ended up running about 80% of the race and walking the rest. I even outpaced the husband who has continued training on a somewhat regular basis while I've been sidelined with my ITBS. I knew that I missed going on my runs, but I just didn't realize how much until today. I finished in what I believe was a 1:19:07 but I'm not sure if that was the final time. I did, however, manage to place 1st in the women's 45-49 age group (of course there were only two of us in the division). Lol!! The old man finished a minute or two after me which surprised me because he usually runs a little faster than me.

Metatarsal pad, the dark area.

I made sure that I stretched really well focusing especially on my ITBS on both sides. Maybe I should have paid a little more attention to warming up my feet as well because by mile 4 I started having some fairly significant pain in both my arches and the balls of my feet. Now, I have already bought some metatarsal pads to help alleviate the ball of foot pain but haven't installed them into my shoes yet. I forgot to grab them before we left last night so I'll be sure to install them tonight. Hopefully those will help alleviate both the arch and ball of foot pain.

I think this is my last race for the year. I may try to find a race to run in January, but it's time to start focusing on finishing the training for the Tinkerbell Half Marathon. So wish me luck and no further injuries. Disneyland, here I come!! :)